ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
