Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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