so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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