Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize