Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
