it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
