Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
