So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
a search helicopter?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
