smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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