he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
