...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
