Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
