apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
