Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Text me some of your sweat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
