Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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