I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
