You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
