i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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