i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
