At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
