Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
