That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
