White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
