dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
