my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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