Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize