just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hippo gnu deer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize