Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
