I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
