So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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