please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
