i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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