also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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