seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
