i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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