She is in my trunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
