Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
