dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
