Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize