Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
