I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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