Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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