You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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