I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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