We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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