I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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