i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
