Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
