Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
