Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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