i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
