Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize