How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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