How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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