Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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