I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he puts the penis in happiness.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
