My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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