So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
