sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
