does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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