i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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