why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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