ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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