We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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