Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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