I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
