i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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