I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The air taste purple.
Randomize
