Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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