i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
