The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
