She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
