Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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