Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
